Fucking Ay

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday, and it was…weird. I felt so uncomfortable in the waiting room and there was a shit load of people there. What was so sad was the amount of people in the waiting room, as well as actual young kids in their. I was like WTF. Its crazy to see how many young kids actually have problems. And the fact that they need medication? it just seems fucked up..

My psychiatrist barely asked me questions and kept signing papers and shit. Then out of nowhere he prescribed me celexa and clonazepam and then sent me on my merry way. I was shocked to say the least. 

Not complaining about the medication, cause im happy I finally have it. Today is the first day of trying both so lets see how my body reacts to it. I tried the clonazepam last night and did feel a little light headed and woozy, but it was a nice feeling. It ended up fading after 2 hours and I actually fell asleep like a rock. AWESOME.

I highly doubt medication will be the anwser to everything, it wont. But hopefully I wont have bad days ya know? Also, im scared to death that it will lead to weight gain. I hope not.. 

volume2chainz:

*almost chokes on food* *keeps eating*

thinsiqnificant:

I hate everyone including myself bye

I cant wait till next tuesday. Just one more week till I see the psychiatrist. I cant fucking wait. I dont think I can wait that long. I’m so tired, so done with everything. I’m trying hard to be patient and be more positive but I just cant, its draining and difficult. My anxiety keeps me up at night and eats away at me, I feel so stressed and tired, I feel like I want to cry, but I cant. I cant bother to smile. For what? I’m always in a bad mood. I feel physically sick and uncomfortable. I feel the stress and anxiety and worries and frustration in my forehead and upper face and stomach. I just cant anymore. 

Just. One. More. Week

My anxiety is killing me today. My dads aprazolam didnt help. Maybe cause I took half of a whole at different times, but still. I feel physically sick and I want tp cry but cant and I just dont know what to do with myself.

My parents are probably about to divorce soon and my grandmother is making everything worse and I just cant wait till I see my psychiatrist cause honestly im tired of this bullshit.

wellnoshitsherman:

I don’t want to be in this house anymore.

I hate my parents for doing this to me. Im a 20 year old woman turning 21 this year. And i cant even attend a midnight movie premier cause its past my curfew. Like what the actual fuck. This is why i have no friends. This is why im always alone and suffer with anxiety, including social. This is why i never get invited anywhere and this is why im fucking depressed. I cant ever live a normal social life a girl my age should live. I’m stuck in this shithole till im done with Uni. I’m so fucking angry I want to cry so bad. But if they see me crying they’ll think I have an attitude. Whats the point of living and having friends or even a boyfriend? I cant wait to see my psychiatrist.

Desite the fact i told my boyfriend about my molestation and self harm with self esteem issues, i still feel like he doesn’t understand me. Like he still doesnt understand why i am the way i am. And that worries me. Cause one day im gonna snap, and he’ll get sick of me, and our relationship will go downhill.

I think my gym trainer saw my old cuts on my stomach. FUCKKKKKK

It was so awkward. She had to measure my body fat by using the capers thing to my stomach, I didnt think she would do it so close to the area of the scars. I had to lift up my shirt and it was sooooo embarrassing!!! I know she saw them. I know she did. They’re still noticable despite being old, they’re still healing… She didnt say anything, but when she was done she was a bit quiet checking her phone. 

Omg..

She’s gonna tell her boyfriend I bet. 

Her boyfriend is my boyfriends dad…

So he’ll tell my boyfriend..

And then it will be more awkward. 

Shit.