Fucking Ay

21 year old female. USA. 134lbs and FAT. Madly in love with a soldier. Issues with self image and depression. I dont even know why I'm doing this again... and I pray to God nobody I know finds this. I'm just insecure and frustrated. Allow me to live my pathetic life and be able to vent. I love you all :) <3 I do not promote self harm or eating disorders. I do not have an eating disorder. My bones do not show, and I eat more than 1200 cals a day. This blog is just to vent about my disordered thinking.
Peace.

My parents are probably about to divorce soon and my grandmother is making everything worse and I just cant wait till I see my psychiatrist cause honestly im tired of this bullshit.

wellnoshitsherman:

I don’t want to be in this house anymore.

I hate my parents for doing this to me. Im a 20 year old woman turning 21 this year. And i cant even attend a midnight movie premier cause its past my curfew. Like what the actual fuck. This is why i have no friends. This is why im always alone and suffer with anxiety, including social. This is why i never get invited anywhere and this is why im fucking depressed. I cant ever live a normal social life a girl my age should live. I’m stuck in this shithole till im done with Uni. I’m so fucking angry I want to cry so bad. But if they see me crying they’ll think I have an attitude. Whats the point of living and having friends or even a boyfriend? I cant wait to see my psychiatrist.

Desite the fact i told my boyfriend about my molestation and self harm with self esteem issues, i still feel like he doesn’t understand me. Like he still doesnt understand why i am the way i am. And that worries me. Cause one day im gonna snap, and he’ll get sick of me, and our relationship will go downhill.

Anonymous asked: They're old scars right? That means you've stopped. That means you've been strong enough to stop. And if they find out, they'll realise just how strong you are. You aren't 'fat'. Please don't believe that. You are strong and beautiful. Hold on.


Answer:

Omg thank you so much!! Honestly, i havent officially stopped. Its just been a while since I’ve done it, i think last week was the last time. Thank you for your kind words. I’m trying my best.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I think my gym trainer saw my old cuts on my stomach. FUCKKKKKK

It was so awkward. She had to measure my body fat by using the capers thing to my stomach, I didnt think she would do it so close to the area of the scars. I had to lift up my shirt and it was sooooo embarrassing!!! I know she saw them. I know she did. They’re still noticable despite being old, they’re still healing… She didnt say anything, but when she was done she was a bit quiet checking her phone. 

Omg..

She’s gonna tell her boyfriend I bet. 

Her boyfriend is my boyfriends dad…

So he’ll tell my boyfriend..

And then it will be more awkward. 

Shit.

Hello world.. So i have my appointment made with another psychiatrist. My family psych sent me to another for a psychiatric evaluation. The sound of that freaks me out. I just hope i dont get in deep trouble. Trouble as in stress my parents even more and end up in a shit hole psych mental place cause of cutting. Omg worst nightmare. I think it’ll be ok. I’m not suicidal, so it has to be ok.

andrewhussiesbosom:

I HIT MY ARM ON THE DOORWAY AND SHOUTED “LOUD ANGRY YELLING” AND MY FUCKING MOM COMES IN LIKE “r u ok I heard some loud angry yelling” I’M LAUGHING LIKE A WALRUS

(Source: guystud, via spellingoutmyexistence)

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